They Just Won't Act Right

 So many of us have a friend or loved one in our lives that we just don’t know how to handle. We want to be there for them, but at the same time we sometimes want to avoid talking to them because we just never know what’s going to come out of their mouth. It’s one thing if they’re an unbeliever and we expect them to say and do things the world’s way; but it’s a totally different story when they say they’re a believer and what they say or do completely catches us off guard.

So, how should you handle it when someone in your sphere of influence comes to you and confesses they’ve done something you know doesn’t line up with the Word of God? Here’s an approach that might be worth giving a try.

Love on them. Before you can truly speak into anyone’s life, they have to give you the right to do so. This only comes after a level of trust and relationship has been established. No matter how smart you are or how much wisdom you have, odds are what you say will not be received if there is no pre-established relationship in place. If this person has given you the right to speak into their life, then it’s critical for you to remember that what they have done is not who they are. Remember, love never fails. So, no matter how difficult it may be for you to hear what they’re saying, you must be careful not to allow it to affect your love walk towards them.

Speak the truth in love. Truth is truth. The Word says what the Word says. Just because this is someone you love, it doesn’t change the Word of God. Don’t water it down, don’t add to it, and don’t leave anything out. Simply remind them of what the Word says and allow the Word to do the work. If they’re a believer, the Holy Spirit will do the tough part – which leaves you free to simply be there for them and love them through the process.

Give them the freedom to make their own choices. If the Creator of the universe gives us free will and the freedom to make our own choices, why should we be any different? When we try to force or compel someone to do something, even if it’s what’s right, they might comply just to pacify us but it usually will only be short-lived. People have a free will and must be allowed to use it. Until someone makes their own decision to do something or to stop doing something, any resemblance of compliance will usually end up being temporary. It’s only when they make the decision for themselves that the results will be lasting.

Don’t take responsibility for the choices they make. Let adults be adults. Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for your own choices. As long as you continue to take responsibility for their choices, they will never have to. You not taking responsibility for their choices doesn’t mean you love or care for them any less. No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to protect them from themselves. Will there be things you may have to watch them go through that you know could have been avoided? Probably. Will there be natural consequences they will have to suffer as a result of their poor choices? Definitely. But you don’t have to suffer the consequences of their choices. Remind yourself as often as you need to, “I am not responsible for the choices they make.” Then move on to the next step.

Pray. Now, this step obviously needs to be woven in and through this entire process. But this is the point where it becomes critical — for them and for you. Since you have no control over their actions, you need to pray they make the right choices for themselves. And since it naturally might be difficult for you to watch them make a series of poor choices, you need to pray that you would have the strength not to try to be their savior. There’s only One who is able to serve in that role, so, stay out of His way and allow Him to do His job. Remember, the prayers of the righteous availeth much. Don’t allow the enemy to plant thoughts in your head like, “How are you just going to sit there and watch them self-destruct?” “If you really loved them you would do something.” Well guess what… Praying is doing something and don’t allow Satan to convince you of anything differently.

Now, go on about your business. God has work for you to do. Don’t allow someone else’s choices to distract you from the assignment that God has set before you. Don’t feel guilty about moving on. When you get to heaven and the Father asks you to give an account for what He instructed you to do, you trying to tell Him about the poor choices your friend was making is not going to be an acceptable response. Just like you so desperately want your friend to make the right choice, God feels the same way about you. Allow God to do His job in the life of your friend while you move forward in doing yours.

Questions to Ask

·      Who is it in your life that you have not given the freedom to make their own choices?

·      Why do you trust yourself to be their savior more than you trust God?

·      Which of these steps do you need to focus the most on as you deal with these types of situations?

Scriptures to Study

·      Philippians 4:6-7

·      2 Peter 3:9

·      Joshua 24:15

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