Compliment Received
Why is it so difficult for so many of us to receive a compliment? When someone tries to compliment us on something we’re wearing, why do we feel the need to say things like, “This old thing? I’ve had this for ten years. I only paid seven dollars for it.” Or, they try to compliment us on something we did and we proceed to tell them how awful it was – pointing out everything we did wrong and how someone else does it so much better.
Don’t you find it interesting that in a world full of people starving for affirmation, we can’t even seem to receive that which we’re so desperately seeking after? While the “reasoning” behind every rejected compliment may be different, here are a few that come to mind that may resonate with those of you who have a hard time accepting praise.
Unworthiness. We will never accept a compliment we believe we are unworthy of receiving. Whether that unworthiness is rooted in a lack of identity, shame, regret or low self-esteem; it will always be rejected and overruled by thoughts of worthlessness and insignificance. Until we can get to the point where we realize our worthiness is in Christ Jesus, we will never be able to accept a compliment – no matter how small it may be.
False humility. Although we may agree with what’s being said, sometimes we automatically reject a compliment because we don’t want to come across as arrogant or prideful. In our attempt to appear humble, what we’re actually doing is being deceitful – not just to others but to ourselves. God knows the difference between true humility and false humility, so the only person we’re fooling is ourselves.
Comparison. When we compare ourselves to others and judge them to be better than us, it makes it difficult for us to receive a compliment for anything we do that falls short of what they’ve done. Judging doesn’t always just result in condemning others, it can also result in condemning ourselves. We must remember that there is only one Judge and He’s not going to compare you or your performance to anyone else. When He declared you to be fearfully and wonderfully made, He was looking at you – not comparing you to someone else.
Questionable sincerity. Sometimes we just don’t know if someone is saying something just to be saying it or if they really mean it. Those of us who persistently fall into this category often times question other people’s sincerity because we know our words to others aren’t always sincere. Consistently being sincere in your own words will help you to minimize your tendency to question the sincerity of others.
Not something we’re used to. Unfortunately, many of us did not grow up in homes where compliments flowed freely. We could have overdosed on all the criticism but we may have been deprived of all the compliments. When this is the case, we usually are more comfortable accepting criticism than we are a compliment. We freely receive the bad things that are said about us and reject the good things that are said about us – and we wonder why we can’t seem to see ourselves the way God sees us.
We know how to give but we don’t know how to receive. Many of us will give and give and give, but have the hardest time when it comes to receiving. We’re often taught how to be good givers, but who ever teaches us how to be good receivers? The Bible tells us to give, but it also lets us know that one of the benefits of giving is that it will be given unto you. Why would God arrange for something to be given to you if He didn’t want you to receive it?
It’s not from whom we want it. Sometimes, it’s difficult for us to accept a compliment coming from a stranger when it’s in an area of our lives that those closest to us rarely ever acknowledge. Whether it’s a parent, a spouse, a child, a leader, or a friend; sometimes we just want those closest to us to either validate or simply appreciate the things about us that others seem to value. When we’re desperate to receive a compliment from someone of our choosing, it can often times cause us reject the compliments being offered to us by someone of God’s choosing.
It’s just a habit. I think more than anything else, so many of us have rejected compliments for so long that we have absolutely no idea why we do it. We don’t even realize we’re doing it. It has simply become a habit. And just like with any other habit, we have to consciously choose to break it.
I’m sharing this with you because this is something I’ve struggled with for decades. In recent years, I finally got to the point where I can just say thank you and not get caught in any of the traps I mentioned above. But this past week, I got ahold of something that has stirred up a new thing in me. The way Corrie ten Boom viewed compliments has totally changed my perspective. She’s quoted as saying, “When people come up and give me a compliment… I take each remark as if it were a flower. At the end of the day I lift up the bouquet of flowers I have gathered throughout the day and say, ‘Here you are, Lord, it is all Yours.’”
And just like that, something clicked inside of me. I went from hesitant to accept a compliment to excited to receive them. Why? Because now I’m collecting them to give as an offering to Him! How beautiful this experience has been giving back to Him what is rightfully His. How fulfilling it has been to offer Him such beautiful bouquets that are a sweet aroma to His nostrils. How humbling it has been to actually acknowledge the Jesus that people see in me – knowing that it’s not me but He who lives in me.
So, the next time someone gives you a compliment, don’t deem yourself unworthy, fall into false humility or compare yourself to others. Don’t question the person’s sincerity, or try to avoid the awkwardness of the moment, or respond how you’re used to responding. Instead, receive the flower being offered to you. Take in its beauty and its sweet aroma. Be a good steward of that which has been entrusted to you. Then, at the end of the day, offer it all back to the One it truly belongs to. I’m telling you, when you look at it this way, your mind will shift from compliment rejected to compliment received.
Questions to Ask
· Is it difficult for you to receive a compliment? If so, why?
· What is a compliment you have continuously been given but you have continuously rejected?
· How will you choose to respond to compliments from this point forward?
Scriptures to Study
· Psalm 139:14
· 2 Corinthians 2:15
ADD A COMMENT BELOW TO SHARE WHY IT’S DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO ACCEPT A COMPLIMENT.
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